Celebrities endorse products like Pepsi and Coca-Cola and Nespresso so that you’ll obviously buy those things that fund the Illuminati. How else do you explain HALLIBURTON? Or TRUMP? Or the rise of Sarah fucking Palin and Ann goddamn Coulter?


So look, here’s how it works. Britney Spears is vetted by the Illuminati (probably when she was about 15) who promise her riches beyond her wildest imagination if she joins up. Because she’s a dumb teenager with no idea how the world works, she agrees, she blood-signs a contract, and begins their bidding. She signs an endorsement deal with Pepsi (owner is also member of Illuminati, google it) for a solid $40 million or so. Dumb teens begin to buy Pepsi because they see Britney (and Beyonce, and Pink and Timberlake etc) pretending to enjoy it. Pepsi gets richer, Britney gets richer, the consumer gets diabetes, and everybody who matters (per the government) wins! Fuck the citizens, and then they refuse to pay for their healthcare needs resulting from their DRINKING TOO MUCH DAMN PEPSI.


A recent study showed that 65 music celebrities promoted 57 different food and beverage products in 2012, and nearly all of these products saw increase in profits. So why not translate this to PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS?!!??!!!!


But as we just learned in this “free and democratic presidential election,” it doesn’t even matter who the consumer votes for/what the consumer wants, the government/electoral college/Pepsi decides what the consumers GET. The illusion of freedom is dizzying!

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